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Sunday 22 December 2013

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Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

by dazed and confused / 12/16/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was admiring a beautiful painting I had hung in my bedroom. My brother kindly pointed out that when flipped upside down, it takes the shape of a lunatic girl with bleeding eyes. Now I can't unsee it. FML

by nightmarestonite / 12/16/2013 at 4:54pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I dropped a new 50lb box of tiles. Luckily, none of the tiles broke. I'm assuming this is because my foot cushioned the fall. FML

by ouch / 12/19/2013 at 11:41pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my family is more excited to see my girlfriend than they are to see me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2013 at 6:19pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2013 at 5:00pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a job after two years of searching. I excitedly called my best friend to tell her the good news. She decided break her own news about how she quit yet another good paying job and found an even better one within hours. FML

by MzZombicidal / 12/17/2013 at 12:28pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals

Today, my mother was reading an annual Christmas letter from an old university friend. When she remarked that she could have married him instead of my father, I replied that she wouldn't have had me then. She then said, "Exactly, I could have had his daughter instead." FML

by rejected / 12/23/2013 at 5:44am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, I got my period, and had to rush to my parents' bathroom for some pads. They'd put all our wrapped presents in their bathroom. As I was looking, my dad thought I was opening presents and barged in, only to see me with my pants around my ankles. Now he won't stop laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2013 at 12:19pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was mopping the floor at the hotel I work at. Before I could react, a gentleman stormed through the corridor and slipped and fell on the still wet floor. He complained to the owner, who bitched me out just to satisfy the guy. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2013 at 4:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

by romance sucks. / 12/18/2013 at 4:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my boss decided that a mug and a public 'thank you' were a sufficient substitute for a Christmas bonus. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2013 at 9:27am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Work