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Monday 18 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my neighbor finally password-protected his wifi. Right in the middle of my timed, online exam. FML

#20965985
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27064) - you deserved it (85125)

On 11/21/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25677) - you deserved it (63597)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in my second year at university, I took a pregnancy test. It is the only test I've passed all month. FML

#20966092
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32215) - you deserved it (46777)

On 11/21/2013 at 7:18pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while swimming in the ocean, I felt some sand under my wedding ring. I took it off for a second, and got hit by a huge wave. My ring is now lost somewhere in the ocean. FML

#20961838
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29167) - you deserved it (38265)

On 11/18/2013 at 4:14am - misc - by smiley1014 (man) - United States

Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

Today, I was quite drunk so I decided to take a piss kneeling down, so I wouldn't miss. I dropped the toilet seat on my little soldier. FML

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42871) - you deserved it (17432)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

#20970124
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47409) - you deserved it (17194)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by sister sister - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

#20970235
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42032) - you deserved it (12676)

On 11/25/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

#20965644
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55813) - you deserved it (12470)

On 11/21/2013 at 11:10am - misc - by smooth (man) - United States

Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

#20966555
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39410) - you deserved it (11540)

On 11/22/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by InsertPopcicle (woman) - United States

Today, I realized I need to start hitting the gym, when my boyfriend actually utilized my love handles during sex. FML



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