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Tuesday 5 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was quizzing a girl at my college, and I noticed that when she answered a question, her ears wiggled. It was cute, so I pointed it out. She burst into tears, and the guy next to me said, "Way to make her feel insecure, douchebag." FML

Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML

#20948735
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51755) - you deserved it (6440)

On 11/07/2013 at 3:52am - intimacy - by thatescalatedquickly (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

#20950083
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22559) - you deserved it (5489)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:00am - intimacy - by xomelodygervais (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43877) - you deserved it (5330)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope, and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

#20949272
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51177) - you deserved it (5315)

On 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Derry)

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

#20945397
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50963) - you deserved it (5278)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by :/ (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, for the tenth time, my teacher made a misbehaving student sit next to me as punishment. He begged for detention instead. FML

#20945365
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47496) - you deserved it (5221)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:01pm - misc - by WinkleBottom (man) - United States

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

#20955006
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35638) - you deserved it (5071)

On 11/12/2013 at 10:27am - kids - by CurseYouSonyaLee (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

#20953149
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37271) - you deserved it (4868)

On 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm - work - by kittkatt1 - United States (Michigan)

Today, the day before I'm supposed to leave for a long-anticipated trip to Europe, my mother admitted that she's never paid for it. She only told me she did so I would stop hinting that I wanted to go. I gave up Christmas for this trip. FML

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

#20952236
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45489) - you deserved it (4721)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:15am - misc - by notgettinsome - Australia

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

#20955466
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39884) - you deserved it (4721)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm - love - by icyrebel25 - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother and I got into an intense argument that ended up with us trading blows and having the cops called on us. Apparently I was "insulting his intelligence" by trying to explain that you don't make buttermilk by putting butter in milk. He's 18. FML



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