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Friday 11 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I started training as a bartender. My very first client told me how his wife is sleeping with her sister's husband. He then told me that all the women he knows only want sex, and asked me why "we" were like that. He could be my dad. FML

#20924792
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41224) - you deserved it (4348)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by nerdywaitress (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

#20924315
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47756) - you deserved it (4338)

On 10/17/2013 at 6:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

#20921212
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46544) - you deserved it (4322)

On 10/15/2013 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

#20920168
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34770) - you deserved it (4280)

On 10/14/2013 at 2:19pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

#20922179
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47079) - you deserved it (4273)

On 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm - love - by highlydisgusted - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in calculus, our substitute teacher told me I was smart. Everybody in the class, including my friends, burst out laughing. FML

#20923824
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41831) - you deserved it (4252)

On 10/17/2013 at 9:43am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

#20912171
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53480) - you deserved it (4217)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:55am - kids - by thisguy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML

#20918462
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39341) - you deserved it (4010)

On 10/13/2013 at 1:51am - misc - by Water Daughter - United States

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

#20917208
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44535) - you deserved it (3947)

On 10/12/2013 at 1:40am - kids - by easily amused (woman) - United States

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

#20920627
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40076) - you deserved it (3895)

On 10/14/2013 at 8:14pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

#20923550
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42352) - you deserved it (3813)

On 10/17/2013 at 1:06am - health - by maxkeyftw (man) - United States (California)

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

#20919168
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43733) - you deserved it (3810)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:50pm - money - by and she blames me -_- (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I called my dad to let him know some details for my wedding had changed. It would have been really nice if he had paused the porno I could clearly hear in the background. FML

#20921288
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45964) - you deserved it (3798)

On 10/15/2013 at 6:10am - intimacy - by hes (woman) - United States



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