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Friday 11 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

#20911674
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40122) - you deserved it (4763)

On 10/07/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by BOHICA123 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the creepy regular customer found out I was lying about having a boyfriend in order to keep him away. He now thinks this is me playing hard to get. FML

#20916055
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41025) - you deserved it (4622)

On 10/11/2013 at 2:09am - work - by Itsnotmeitsyou (woman) - Australia

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

#20921768
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46031) - you deserved it (4604)

On 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm - misc - by secretsmakefriends (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

#20915864
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41949) - you deserved it (4603)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:04pm - kids - by SlapAndTickle - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time after we made up from a huge fight. He loves my cat, but she's sick right now so she wouldn't play with him. He yelled at me for "making" her not like him by "telling her lies". FML

#20910894
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44909) - you deserved it (4600)

On 10/07/2013 at 12:20pm - animals - by littlekellilee (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

#20920631
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39914) - you deserved it (4507)

On 10/14/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by zzfreakshow (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

#20925665
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43008) - you deserved it (4497) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/18/2013 at 8:05pm - kids - by Huedadaa - France (Picardie)

Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML

#20917413
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40202) - you deserved it (4476)

On 10/12/2013 at 9:19am - love - by oink oink... - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

#20913049
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41612) - you deserved it (4448)

On 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm - kids - by Allycat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I created a poster trying to raise self-harm awareness in teens for my school. They sent me to the counselor, suspended me, and recommended I go to therapy. FML

Today, I started training as a bartender. My very first client told me how his wife is sleeping with her sister's husband. He then told me that all the women he knows only want sex, and asked me why "we" were like that. He could be my dad. FML

#20924792
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41739) - you deserved it (4394)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by nerdywaitress (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

#20921711
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46226) - you deserved it (4375)

On 10/15/2013 at 4:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML

#20918838
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46932) - you deserved it (4364)

On 10/13/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)



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