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Friday 11 October 2013

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Today, I took my car to be repaired. The mechanic put out his hand when he saw me, so I shook it. He just wanted my keys. FML

by keyshame / 10/10/2013 at 1:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

by (-__- ) ( ^.^) / 10/11/2013 at 5:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML

by mattrd / 10/08/2013 at 5:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

by lovehurts / 10/14/2013 at 12:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I had an anxiety attack just from thinking about appearing on TV and being watched by a real audience. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 7:44pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "hon", "darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2013 at 5:36pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

by hubby / 10/08/2013 at 1:57pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 1:08pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML

by Michelle / 10/17/2013 at 7:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

by O-|---<=~ / 10/18/2013 at 7:01pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

by Elcam / 10/16/2013 at 4:22am / Belgium / Work

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

by collegegrad / 10/15/2013 at 11:51am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

by Anon / 10/09/2013 at 1:21am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous