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Friday 4 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

#20905661
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38116) - you deserved it (3275)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:26am - animals - by hoo flung pu - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

#20902425
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44331) - you deserved it (3268)

On 09/30/2013 at 7:54pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML

#20906907
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49690) - you deserved it (3251)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:37am - love - by okaythen (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

#20903281
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39694) - you deserved it (3216)

On 10/01/2013 at 12:36pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend, who's already made two threats against my life, informed me that she now has a concealed carry permit. FML

#20907451
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43103) - you deserved it (3183)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

#20915293
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38594) - you deserved it (3132)

On 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by Lady Douche of Asscrackington (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

#20907968
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43999) - you deserved it (3107)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by CelibateHero (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

#20908147
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42797) - you deserved it (3051)

On 10/05/2013 at 9:51am - animals - by Mike Messenger - United States (Florida)

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

#20912116
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38332) - you deserved it (3039)

On 10/08/2013 at 3:09am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - China (Shanghai)

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

#20916778
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40427) - you deserved it (3029)

On 10/11/2013 at 6:44pm - health - by jnisla (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was on the bus, heading to work, when the girl beside me started yelling at me, claiming I was staring down her shirt. I did no such thing, but the driver nonetheless stopped the bus and made me get off, all under the withering glares of the other passengers. FML

#20907593
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41387) - you deserved it (2992)

On 10/04/2013 at 8:04pm - misc - by ricky the sage (man) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

#20904715
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50936) - you deserved it (2989)

On 10/02/2013 at 2:37pm - health - by 94lbs of muscle -

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

#20908703
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46799) - you deserved it (2949)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)



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