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Friday 4 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

#20913413
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40132) - you deserved it (4982)

On 10/09/2013 at 1:21am - misc - by Anon - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

#20911674
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41685) - you deserved it (4918)

On 10/07/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by BOHICA123 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time after we made up from a huge fight. He loves my cat, but she's sick right now so she wouldn't play with him. He yelled at me for "making" her not like him by "telling her lies". FML

#20910894
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46886) - you deserved it (4793)

On 10/07/2013 at 12:20pm - animals - by littlekellilee (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, the creepy regular customer found out I was lying about having a boyfriend in order to keep him away. He now thinks this is me playing hard to get. FML

#20916055
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42707) - you deserved it (4785)

On 10/11/2013 at 2:09am - work - by Itsnotmeitsyou (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

#20905869
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45307) - you deserved it (4718)

On 10/03/2013 at 11:38am - intimacy - by EconM - United States

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

#20915864
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42225) - you deserved it (4621)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:04pm - kids - by SlapAndTickle - United States

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

#20906772
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40458) - you deserved it (4595)

On 10/04/2013 at 1:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, for the first time in months, a woman started flirting with me. She was wearing a sparkly shirt with "Team Edward" written on it. FML

#20915931
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40734) - you deserved it (4569)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:50pm - love - by CreamGravy (man) - Australia

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

#20913049
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41877) - you deserved it (4466)

On 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm - kids - by Allycat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

#20906908
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51174) - you deserved it (4356)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:39am - misc - by haveahappyperiod (woman) -

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

#20912171
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53852) - you deserved it (4241)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:55am - kids - by thisguy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

#20903010
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34323) - you deserved it (4151)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Austria (Wien)



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