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Friday 4 October 2013

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Today, my friends and I spent a little too long enjoying a beautiful cliff overlooking the ocean. We spent the next 3 hours lost in a pitch black jungle with only one pocket-sized flashlight. FML

by sothisishowidie / 09/30/2013 at 7:18am / Guam / Miscellaneous

Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible grammar skills touch my boobs. FML

by whatdoesitmatter / 10/01/2013 at 6:47am / India (Tamil Nadu) / Intimacy

Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box of naughty toys under my bed. FML

by A.Summers / 09/30/2013 at 6:41pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy

Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

by FriutlessApple / 10/11/2013 at 11:18am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got so self-conscious about weight gain that I got paranoid about how much my Castle Crashers character was eating to heal. FML

by SunshineX7 / 10/09/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML

by joecool3426 / 10/03/2013 at 2:23am / United States / Money

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals

Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I realized I can't afford to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years, as we split the rent. I'll need a second job just to get out of my bad relationship. FML

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

by Ashley / 10/07/2013 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous