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Saturday 28 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

#20908147
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42831) - you deserved it (3054)

On 10/05/2013 at 9:51am - animals - by Mike Messenger - United States (Florida)

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

#20893921
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39704) - you deserved it (3053)

On 09/24/2013 at 12:47am - kids - by cuntsmom (woman) - United States

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

#20892589
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38120) - you deserved it (3043)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:15am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

#20908703
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47734) - you deserved it (3029)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was let down for a movie date. As I'd already paid for the tickets, I got my narcoleptic sister to come and sit next to me while she slept, so it didn't look like I came on my own. FML

#20895886
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31782) - you deserved it (2998)

On 09/25/2013 at 6:12pm - love - by cinemasaddo (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the bus, heading to work, when the girl beside me started yelling at me, claiming I was staring down her shirt. I did no such thing, but the driver nonetheless stopped the bus and made me get off, all under the withering glares of the other passengers. FML

#20907593
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41424) - you deserved it (2992)

On 10/04/2013 at 8:04pm - misc - by ricky the sage (man) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

#20904715
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50965) - you deserved it (2991)

On 10/02/2013 at 2:37pm - health - by 94lbs of muscle -

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

#20894038
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49055) - you deserved it (2990)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:15am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

#20893446
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38788) - you deserved it (2974)

On 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm - kids - by latter - United States (Maryland)

Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

#20896646
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35166) - you deserved it (2957)

On 09/26/2013 at 9:50am - health - by CancerFdMyLife (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, a friend complimented me on my "smoky eyeshadow". I wasn't wearing eye makeup. She was complimenting the result of my insomnia. FML

#20904600
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39437) - you deserved it (2956)

On 10/02/2013 at 12:22pm - health - by Tired (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, the creepy kid on the bus saved me a seat again. Thinking he wanted to be friends, I followed him on twitter. He was doing a live video feed so I checked it out. It was of me. FML

Today, I realized that my grandma has pictures of all her grandchildren all over her house, with one glaring exception: me. FML



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