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Saturday 28 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML

#20899979
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40723) - you deserved it (4474)

On 09/29/2013 at 12:16am - work - by browngirl - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my insane war veteran great-uncle punched me in the throat for not laughing hard enough at his own stupid joke. FML

#20898629
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39340) - you deserved it (4470)

On 09/28/2013 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

#20900810
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33851) - you deserved it (4427)

On 09/29/2013 at 5:12pm - work - by Nice Melons (woman) - United States

Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML

#20892597
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39715) - you deserved it (4418)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:27am - work - by peejay6831 (woman) - United States

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

#20898877
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36819) - you deserved it (4408)

On 09/28/2013 at 6:53am - misc - by blackcat37 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

#20906772
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38800) - you deserved it (4381)

On 10/04/2013 at 1:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

#20894598
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33940) - you deserved it (4287)

On 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm - kids - by mandm - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46925) - you deserved it (4221)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

#20906908
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49205) - you deserved it (4188)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:39am - misc - by haveahappyperiod (woman) -

Today, a stranger pulled me out of the path of a speeding taxicab. He then took one look at my face, said, "I should've left you there", and walked away. FML

#20900063
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43232) - you deserved it (4093)

On 09/29/2013 at 1:45am - misc - by -__-" - United States (Washington)

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

#20906604
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33645) - you deserved it (4090)

On 10/03/2013 at 10:56pm - love - by Annoyed - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43427) - you deserved it (4089)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

#20898181
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66597) - you deserved it (4054)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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