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Saturday 28 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

#20893002
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57950) - you deserved it (4616)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

#20898877
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38546) - you deserved it (4607)

On 09/28/2013 at 6:53am - misc - by blackcat37 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

#20906772
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40494) - you deserved it (4598)

On 10/04/2013 at 1:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML

#20892597
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41063) - you deserved it (4553)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:27am - work - by peejay6831 (woman) - United States

Today, my insane war veteran great-uncle punched me in the throat for not laughing hard enough at his stupid joke. FML

#20898629
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39653) - you deserved it (4492)

On 09/28/2013 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

#20906604
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35874) - you deserved it (4369)

On 10/03/2013 at 10:56pm - love - by Annoyed - United States (Maryland)

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

#20906908
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51231) - you deserved it (4360)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:39am - misc - by haveahappyperiod (woman) -

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

#20894598
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34251) - you deserved it (4312)

On 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm - kids - by mandm - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47891) - you deserved it (4296)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

#20898640
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62054) - you deserved it (4177)

On 09/28/2013 at 12:08am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44211) - you deserved it (4166)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

#20903010
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34360) - you deserved it (4154)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Austria (Wien)



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