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Saturday 28 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

#20901686
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38912) - you deserved it (8212)

On 09/30/2013 at 6:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I found tiny little maggots in the bristles of my toothbrush. I have no idea how long they've been there. FML

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

#20908563
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42559) - you deserved it (7770)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

#20901889
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42833) - you deserved it (7345)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

#20892490
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51018) - you deserved it (7260)

On 09/23/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by baddad (man) - United States

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

#20905471
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37336) - you deserved it (7235)

On 10/02/2013 at 11:46pm - work - by sober judge - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

#20899471
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61624) - you deserved it (7225)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by :( (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51909) - you deserved it (7212)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia

Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a 'young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans' crackpot. FML

#20896509
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33480) - you deserved it (7188)

On 09/26/2013 at 4:06am - love - by GodSquad (man) - United Kingdom (Blackburn with Darwen)

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

#20900665
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41148) - you deserved it (6889)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:21pm - misc - by noweddingforyou (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

#20908628
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50323) - you deserved it (6794)

On 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by -____- (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48788) - you deserved it (6380)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML

#20902940
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41118) - you deserved it (6377)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:36am - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (West Virginia)



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