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Friday 27 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

#20901889
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42267) - you deserved it (7250)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

#20899471
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61263) - you deserved it (7207)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by :( (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a 'young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans' crackpot. FML

#20896509
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33379) - you deserved it (7175)

On 09/26/2013 at 4:06am - love - by GodSquad (man) - United Kingdom (Blackburn with Darwen)

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

#20905471
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36516) - you deserved it (7100)

On 10/02/2013 at 11:46pm - work - by sober judge - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50928) - you deserved it (7065)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

#20900665
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41026) - you deserved it (6878)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:21pm - misc - by noweddingforyou (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48683) - you deserved it (6366)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML

#20902940
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40493) - you deserved it (6284)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:36am - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

#20895842
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51257) - you deserved it (6278)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML

#20897826
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42023) - you deserved it (6082)

On 09/27/2013 at 8:51am - love - by propose_you_freakin_coward (man) - Singapore

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML

#20892986
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46464) - you deserved it (6039)

On 09/23/2013 at 1:53pm - love - by User (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

#20904281
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35923) - you deserved it (6038)

On 10/02/2013 at 1:47am - intimacy - by fed up/turned off - United States (California)

Today, my mom and I got the answer to the question, "Is our dog really dumb enough to jump out of the window of a moving vehicle?" The answer: Yes. FML

#20904318
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41811) - you deserved it (5758)

On 10/02/2013 at 2:36am - animals - by BasketGhost - United States (New York)



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