Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Friday 27 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML

#20892597
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41086) - you deserved it (4555)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:27am - work - by peejay6831 (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49861) - you deserved it (4484)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

#20906908
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52375) - you deserved it (4465)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:39am - misc - by haveahappyperiod (woman) -

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

#20906604
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36119) - you deserved it (4401)

On 10/03/2013 at 10:56pm - love - by Annoyed - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46220) - you deserved it (4374)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

#20898181
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76013) - you deserved it (4361)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

#20894598
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34281) - you deserved it (4312)

On 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm - kids - by mandm - United States (New York)

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

#20898640
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62582) - you deserved it (4212)

On 09/28/2013 at 12:08am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML

#20904440
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47697) - you deserved it (4182)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:17am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

#20903010
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34383) - you deserved it (4155)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

#20899091
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47844) - you deserved it (4150)

On 09/28/2013 at 12:25pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Serbia

Today, a stranger pulled me out of the path of a speeding taxicab. He then took one look at my face, said, "I should've left you there", and walked away. FML

#20900063
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43571) - you deserved it (4123)

On 09/29/2013 at 1:45am - misc - by -__-" - United States (Washington)

Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML

#20897734
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37971) - you deserved it (4074)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:18am - work - by ihatethisjob - United States (Michigan)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: