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Friday 27 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

#20901889
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42894) - you deserved it (7350)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

#20892490
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51069) - you deserved it (7261)

On 09/23/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by baddad (man) - United States

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

#20905471
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37404) - you deserved it (7243)

On 10/02/2013 at 11:46pm - work - by sober judge - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

#20899471
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61741) - you deserved it (7238)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by :( (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51986) - you deserved it (7215)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

#20900665
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41218) - you deserved it (6900)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:21pm - misc - by noweddingforyou (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML

#20902940
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41899) - you deserved it (6501)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:36am - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48857) - you deserved it (6390)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

#20895842
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51581) - you deserved it (6311)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

#20904281
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37411) - you deserved it (6229)

On 10/02/2013 at 1:47am - intimacy - by fed up/turned off - United States (California)

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML

#20892986
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47553) - you deserved it (6171)

On 09/23/2013 at 1:53pm - love - by User (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML

#20897826
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42213) - you deserved it (6101)

On 09/27/2013 at 8:51am - love - by propose_you_freakin_coward (man) - Singapore

Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML

#20897003
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43209) - you deserved it (5860)

On 09/26/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by my gran is a cuntwaffle (man) - United Kingdom



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