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Wednesday 18 September 2013

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Today, my best friend told me that she no longer wants to cut herself because now she's madly in love with a guy in our school. She doesn't know that he's gay. FML

by friend loves a gay guy... / 09/23/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I realised I sweat so much that I won't be able to go without sticking super pads with wings to my shirt underarms everyday. It makes supermarket trips interesting. Especially as a man. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2013 at 6:37am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

by burb / 09/25/2013 at 3:23pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love

Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

by poor teacher / 09/23/2013 at 1:54pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

by I have wood / 09/16/2013 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my mum got engaged to her American pen-pal, who is in prison over there for murder. FML

by Stheno / 09/16/2013 at 8:49am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

by SeriouslyDad / 09/22/2013 at 9:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Mississippi) / Health

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

by nicetomeetyou2 / 09/25/2013 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, a man at the comic book store I work at asked me if Spider-Man is based on a real story, and verbally abused me when, thinking he was joking, I laughed. He wasn't. FML

by some people... / 09/19/2013 at 1:35am / United States / Work

Today, I went to work at my job as a secretary. I had been given the task to file my boss's collection of Playboy magazines alphabetically by name of the centerfold. There was one for every month from the years of 1980 until now. FML

by Abcporn / 09/25/2013 at 7:22pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

by justonce / 09/23/2013 at 6:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love