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Wednesday 18 September 2013

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Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML

by chestycough / 09/16/2013 at 12:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

by GogurtBadass / 09/18/2013 at 12:55pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML

by peejay6831 / 09/23/2013 at 2:27am / United States / Work

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

by mandm / 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

Today, my boss made me play golf with some executives of a company we're hoping to secure a business deal with, despite me having no golf training. My first swing ended up with me being rushed to the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 5:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I found out my roommate Skypes my friends on my laptop when I'm away. Not only that, he covers his face and shows them his junk. My friends no longer answer Skype calls from me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2013 at 5:47pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

by Undercooked / 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

by littledipper / 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 5:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I hit a new low in my financial troubles when I left my work to retrieve twenty-five cents after seeing someone drop it across the street. FML

by collegebroke / 09/22/2013 at 1:45am / United States (California) / Money

Today, my brother decided it would be funny for almost every sentence out of his mouth to start with the word "hashtag". FML

by soannoyed / 09/22/2013 at 5:21pm / United States / Kids