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Wednesday 18 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML

#20883308
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52411) - you deserved it (4799)

On 09/16/2013 at 12:35am - health - by chestycough - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

#20886516
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40643) - you deserved it (4733)

On 09/18/2013 at 12:55pm - health - by GogurtBadass - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

#20893002
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57580) - you deserved it (4596)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML

#20892597
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39797) - you deserved it (4461)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:27am - work - by peejay6831 (woman) - United States

Today, my boss made me play golf with some executives of a company we're hoping to secure a business deal with, despite me having no golf training. My first swing ended up with me being rushed to the hospital. FML

#20891836
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36787) - you deserved it (4398)

On 09/22/2013 at 5:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

#20891477
166 comments

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

#20894598
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34068) - you deserved it (4291)

On 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm - kids - by mandm - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my roommate Skypes my friends on my laptop when I'm away. Not only that, he covers his face and shows them his junk. My friends no longer answer Skype calls from me. FML

#20886799
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38579) - you deserved it (4288)

On 09/18/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47632) - you deserved it (4275)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43995) - you deserved it (4142)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

#20889160
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49013) - you deserved it (4050)

On 09/20/2013 at 5:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother decided it would be funny for almost every sentence out of his mouth to start with the word "hashtag". FML

#20891806
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37572) - you deserved it (4035)

On 09/22/2013 at 5:21pm - kids - by soannoyed - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML

#20892223
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47993) - you deserved it (3970)

On 09/22/2013 at 10:24pm - love - by really? (man) - United States



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