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Wednesday 18 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

#20891019
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47814) - you deserved it (8944)

On 09/22/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

#20883807
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45679) - you deserved it (8378)

On 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by meganmagee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

#20888741
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46479) - you deserved it (8268)

On 09/20/2013 at 7:23am - love - by hoolagirl4422 (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

#20895521
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40153) - you deserved it (8226)

On 09/25/2013 at 10:42am - intimacy - by what (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML

#20891258
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35817) - you deserved it (7825)

On 09/22/2013 at 9:34am - misc - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML

#20883830
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48707) - you deserved it (7653)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:08pm - love - by Jake - United States (Oregon)

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

#20892490
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51041) - you deserved it (7260)

On 09/23/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by baddad (man) - United States

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML

#20886551
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45132) - you deserved it (7259)

On 09/18/2013 at 1:41pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my grandma threw away my clear retainer thinking it was plastic from packaging. She has done this three times now. They cost 300 dollars to replace. FML

Today, my son asked me if slavery was ever abolished. He's 19. FML

#20883742
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41761) - you deserved it (6712)

On 09/16/2013 at 1:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

#20889957
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35576) - you deserved it (6702)

On 09/21/2013 at 9:10am - misc - by dadyoureacunt (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

#20889450
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65943) - you deserved it (6386)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm - intimacy - by oops - United States (Texas)



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