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Wednesday 18 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML

#20892314
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39964) - you deserved it (18251)

On 09/22/2013 at 10:56pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

#20886441
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38434) - you deserved it (16660)

On 09/18/2013 at 10:53am - animals - by OldHabitsDieHard - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the water went out at my house, so I resorted to taking some stuff and showering at my old dorm instead. While in the shower, I realized I'd stupidly forgotten to bring a towel with me. I had to spend ages drying my whole body with tiny paper towels instead. FML

Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML

#20895300
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34586) - you deserved it (12328)

On 09/25/2013 at 2:59am - love - by so_screwed - United States (California)

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

#20888238
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44081) - you deserved it (12175)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:47pm - work - by Jamie - United States (Virginia)

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

#20889129
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32430) - you deserved it (10823)

On 09/20/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by fuckwank (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

#20890415
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35291) - you deserved it (10783)

On 09/21/2013 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML

#20883435
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39535) - you deserved it (10691)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:26am - love - by Oh hells no (man) - United States (California)

Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML

#20886598
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39609) - you deserved it (10575)

On 09/18/2013 at 2:31pm - work - by Anoymous (woman) - Slovakia (Bratislava)

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

#20886188
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35516) - you deserved it (10572)

On 09/18/2013 at 2:19am - health - by I get the hint -

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

#20888582
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47436) - you deserved it (10569)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

#20890943
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37566) - you deserved it (9932)

On 09/22/2013 at 12:26am - work - by not_fakingit - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML

#20889279
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42022) - you deserved it (9728)

On 09/20/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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