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Saturday 31 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
518 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17853) - you deserved it (128258)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

#20862871
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25907) - you deserved it (90230)

On 09/01/2013 at 5:57am - intimacy - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

#20861665
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22222) - you deserved it (65299)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, while working at a client's house, I noticed that their sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML

#20857966
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30797) - you deserved it (52924)

On 08/28/2013 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

#20870423
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21239) - you deserved it (42376)

On 09/06/2013 at 5:23pm - work - by howprofessional (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML

#20859438
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26101) - you deserved it (39367)

On 08/29/2013 at 8:16pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I addressed my district manager as "Dude." FML

#20859944
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18177) - you deserved it (37348)

On 08/30/2013 at 2:28am - work - by goodbyepromotion (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

#20866525
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23025) - you deserved it (36463)

On 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

#20860218
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22159) - you deserved it (32039) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/30/2013 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonyme (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML

#20864719
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45157) - you deserved it (19222)

On 09/02/2013 at 3:22pm - animals - by aherdofpigs - United States

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

#20856159
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34319) - you deserved it (19118)

On 08/27/2013 at 3:21am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51538) - you deserved it (18761)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he would leave me if I didn't seek help for my eating disorder. The eating disorder in question? Vegetarianism. FML

#20860215
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41734) - you deserved it (18490)

On 08/30/2013 at 10:44am - health - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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