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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML

#20852114
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44564) - you deserved it (3173)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:55am - misc - by cassidy_smith12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML

#20857413
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35887) - you deserved it (3173)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:48am - misc - by Grandmas lost it - United States (New York)

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

#20849795
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40354) - you deserved it (3169)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:40pm - misc - by Ugly (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML

#20849629
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37004) - you deserved it (3150)

On 08/22/2013 at 5:33pm - work - by lord kuntface (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter managed to crash my car. It's okay though, the insurance will cover it. However, it won't cover all the items she damaged crashing into a garage sale. FML

#20856229
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39159) - you deserved it (3150)

On 08/27/2013 at 6:17am - kids - by Idontknowwhattodo (man) - United States (California)

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

#20855520
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37942) - you deserved it (3143)

On 08/26/2013 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

#20857695
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38357) - you deserved it (3125)

On 08/28/2013 at 9:25am - misc - by AtLeastHaveADecientExcuse -

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44253) - you deserved it (3112)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

#20858175
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42092) - you deserved it (3097)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by notsolucky - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

#20860571
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37058) - you deserved it (3033)

On 08/30/2013 at 5:05pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

#20854260
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46186) - you deserved it (3009)

On 08/25/2013 at 9:28pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while working at a daycare, I had to change a kid's diaper. This may seem normal for a daycare worker, but not when it's a 7-year-old kid who is still not potty-trained and shat their pants. FML

#20846305
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44427) - you deserved it (2979)

On 08/20/2013 at 1:14pm - kids - by CrappyDay - United States



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