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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

#20858957
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38177) - you deserved it (3257)

On 08/29/2013 at 6:44am - love - by sorejecteditmakesmewannacry (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

#20849795
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41012) - you deserved it (3228)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:40pm - misc - by Ugly (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I attended my first day of school 4 days after reconstructive surgery. But no worries: I'm sure my alien-like appearance and 2 hours of Darth Vader style breathing in an otherwise silent test room will make me lots of friends. FML

Today, my daughter managed to crash my car. It's okay though, the insurance will cover it. However, it won't cover all the items she damaged crashing into a garage sale. FML

#20856229
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39923) - you deserved it (3223)

On 08/27/2013 at 6:17am - kids - by Idontknowwhattodo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

#20860571
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38747) - you deserved it (3200)

On 08/30/2013 at 5:05pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

#20858175
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42947) - you deserved it (3174)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by notsolucky - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML

#20849629
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37084) - you deserved it (3160)

On 08/22/2013 at 5:33pm - work - by lord kuntface (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

#20855520
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38009) - you deserved it (3147)

On 08/26/2013 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

#20857695
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38427) - you deserved it (3131)

On 08/28/2013 at 9:25am - misc - by AtLeastHaveADecientExcuse -

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44318) - you deserved it (3116)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

#20854260
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46262) - you deserved it (3013)

On 08/25/2013 at 9:28pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

#20860284
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46053) - you deserved it (2998)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)



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