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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

#20852966
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50320) - you deserved it (4367)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm - kids - by pda (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

#20848570
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48878) - you deserved it (4322)

On 08/21/2013 at 10:45pm - work - by baconbxtch (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

#20858870
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38936) - you deserved it (4308)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:39am - misc - by oD_Ronan (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

#20856004
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38515) - you deserved it (4284)

On 08/27/2013 at 12:36am - kids - by Parenting... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

#20852599
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41331) - you deserved it (4265)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:05pm - kids - by thanks mom ¬_¬ (man) - United States (California)

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

#20844435
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76212) - you deserved it (4238)

On 08/19/2013 at 9:06am - love - by Love stinks (man) - United States

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

#20845941
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43800) - you deserved it (4209)

On 08/20/2013 at 4:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML

#20848780
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55865) - you deserved it (4096)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:40am - love - by Embarrassed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML

#20859064
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46833) - you deserved it (4089)

On 08/29/2013 at 9:40am - misc - by tallguy (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML

Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML

#20850517
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46297) - you deserved it (4045)

On 08/23/2013 at 6:06am - health - by themarrowguy - United States

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

#20861368
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49394) - you deserved it (4032)

On 08/31/2013 at 4:16am - misc - by nevercatchabreak - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my sister announced that she and her boyfriend are getting married. Her boyfriend is my husband. We're not even legally divorced yet. FML

#20857902
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66913) - you deserved it (4027)

On 08/28/2013 at 1:47pm - love - by still together (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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