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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

#20848750
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52968) - you deserved it (8015)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by none - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML

#20857055
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38112) - you deserved it (7560)

On 08/27/2013 at 9:29pm - misc - by sweetnan (woman) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

Today, I was feeling guilty about an argument I had with my mother right before she left to go shopping. When she got back, I ran to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. Unfortunately, in the process, I knocked over and broke her new $200 vase. FML

#20851970
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41474) - you deserved it (7557)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:23am - misc - by horrible daughter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

#20861263
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43020) - you deserved it (7335)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, I'm watching a TV show about horrible germs in hotel rooms that you can catch from a bed... while I am stuck in a hotel room... on the bed. FML

#20851748
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37685) - you deserved it (7219)

On 08/24/2013 at 1:28am - health - by HannahBretts - United States (California)

Today, I suggestively asked my boyfriend to take a shower with me. He got in, washed himself, and got out, ignoring me the whole time. FML

#20852722
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49818) - you deserved it (7216)

On 08/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by -.- - United States

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

#20846128
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38607) - you deserved it (7100)

On 08/20/2013 at 9:41am - health - by no that does not help (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

#20852629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52589) - you deserved it (6945)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

#20857270
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53153) - you deserved it (6907)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm - work - by nowork - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

#20847973
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50383) - you deserved it (6793)

On 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by mykhael (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I couldn't find my insurance card, and the cop was very nice. He said not to worry about it, that I "looked like someone who had insurance." I'm not sure how to take that. FML

#20847276
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37587) - you deserved it (6708)

On 08/21/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Beegee (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML

#20859482
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59655) - you deserved it (6636)

On 08/29/2013 at 8:48pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I forgot to shut off some pumps before closing the main valves that run to them. Several sirens soon started blaring at a deafening level. I'm new here and nobody else is around. I don't know how to shut the sirens off. FML

#20844606
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36457) - you deserved it (6629)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm - work - by oops (man) - United States (Nebraska)



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