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Sunday 11 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML

#20821432
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38895) - you deserved it (3871)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:11am - health - by seriously? - United States (Ohio)

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

#20843576
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37051) - you deserved it (3841)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by FMLdude - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

#20828908
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46701) - you deserved it (3816)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:54am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

#20835321
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46697) - you deserved it (3797)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm - love - by hairless by death - United States (California)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML

#20823062
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52040) - you deserved it (3792)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:11am - health - by mcdonalds - United States

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

#20825212
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38815) - you deserved it (3786)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

#20843210
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37858) - you deserved it (3744)

On 08/18/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by 12345678910 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML

#20833570
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49945) - you deserved it (3728)

On 08/12/2013 at 10:30am - love - by iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

#20835654
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41295) - you deserved it (3676)

On 08/13/2013 at 4:19pm - love - by Zanovitch - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46756) - you deserved it (3674) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

#20838395
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50774) - you deserved it (3629)

On 08/15/2013 at 5:47am - work - by bglenney - United States (California)

Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML

#20842035
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53676) - you deserved it (3623)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:40pm - love - by why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)



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