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Sunday 11 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

#20833982
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48290) - you deserved it (4306)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:04pm - misc - by idonteven - United States (California)

Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML

#20833570
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55959) - you deserved it (4259)

On 08/12/2013 at 10:30am - love - by iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML

#20825319
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44614) - you deserved it (4248)

On 08/07/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by Bethany - United States

Today, after swimming in the pool, I went into the shower. Little did I know that my niece was hiding in there. She excitedly yelled "I saw your boobs!" Now my nephew won't stop crying because he didn't get to see them as well. FML

#20831181
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53461) - you deserved it (4240)

On 08/10/2013 at 8:04pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML

#20837021
189 comments

Today, I actually had to explain to my sister that Shrek was not in fact based on a true story. She replied that I'm a "clueless twat". FML

#20821476
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41930) - you deserved it (4200)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:38am - misc - by riiiighhhttttt (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

#20843210
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42313) - you deserved it (4168)

On 08/18/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by 12345678910 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

#20825212
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42317) - you deserved it (4124)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

#20835654
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46238) - you deserved it (4114)

On 08/13/2013 at 4:19pm - love - by Zanovitch - United States (Michigan)

Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML

#20843729
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47501) - you deserved it (4110)

On 08/18/2013 at 9:36pm - misc - by Having a pretty sister sucks. - United States (Texas)

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51776) - you deserved it (4107) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

#20835321
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50606) - you deserved it (4099)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm - love - by hairless by death - United States (California)



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