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Sunday 11 August 2013

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Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML

by justwantingtohelp / 08/16/2013 at 1:02am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

by Rachel8896 / 08/15/2013 at 7:28am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

by anonymous / 08/16/2013 at 10:05am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my girlfriend texted me "I think we should move in". Then, ten seconds later she sent another text that said, "Sorry, typo. Move on". FML

by DandoisFLAT / 08/11/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while in the restroom washing my hands, a girl decided to let one rip while in the stall. When she came out she gave me a dirty look of disgust and said, "At least wait until I leave." She and I were the only ones in the restroom. FML

by mugres22 / 08/17/2013 at 1:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my OCD manager sprayed my hands with chemicals because I touched the bin while throwing away a piece of paper. My hands are now covered in itchy, unattractive rashes. FML

by nearly a crazy lady / 08/12/2013 at 7:19am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my manager took me aside and angrily told me to quit fucking about with our customers. He totally refuses to believe that the slight whistling sound I keep making when I exhale is because I have a chipped tooth. FML

by ssssssssuck a dick, boss / 08/18/2013 at 1:29pm / United States (Montana) / Work

Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML

by his word vs mine = me suspended / 08/10/2013 at 2:41pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Work

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

by sweet23 / 08/18/2013 at 7:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML

by SparkOfJade / 08/13/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Maryland) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 3:47pm / United States / Work

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm... Your house is on fire." FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2013 at 10:54pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke into tears at work after being told my aunt had a stroke. My boss told me to "suck it up, no one is that close to their aunt." My aunt adopted me when my mother passed away. FML

by Katthebamf / 08/18/2013 at 7:33pm / United Kingdom (York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.