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Sunday 11 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

#20837392
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46839) - you deserved it (3852)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:13pm - kids - by sisterly love - United States (California)

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML

#20843729
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44361) - you deserved it (3808)

On 08/18/2013 at 9:36pm - misc - by Having a pretty sister sucks. - United States (Texas)

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48225) - you deserved it (3807) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

#20824490
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41776) - you deserved it (3680) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/06/2013 at 5:59pm - health - by pong - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I went to a store. I was wearing a shirt that I'd bought from the very same store, and was accused of stealing. When I tried explaining, the manager said I was lying because I'm a teenager and "all teenagers are full of shit." FML

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

#20825918
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45682) - you deserved it (3635)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by hardee fucking har yourself, sir (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

#20833377
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56464) - you deserved it (3555)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:17am - animals - by The Corner Of Death (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

#20827624
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52314) - you deserved it (3533)

On 08/08/2013 at 5:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML

#20836611
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32915) - you deserved it (3491)

On 08/14/2013 at 2:41am - misc - by HoratioNo (man) - United States (California)

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML

#20829503
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38634) - you deserved it (3484)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! (woman) - United States

Today, I found the carcass of the frog that got into my house last week. It was a horrifying sight, but not nearly as horrifying as the fact that I found it in my refrigerator. No, I don't know how it got in there either. FML

#20828988
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42536) - you deserved it (3469)

On 08/09/2013 at 12:15pm - animals - by W...T...F (woman) - United States

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

#20840053
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44235) - you deserved it (3452)

On 08/16/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by hipster glasses - United States



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