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Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blame it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused because I'm not sexy enough.
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family . Over the next hour, a huge religiou debate eruptd, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killd himself oncehile experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation . My boyfriend calld us all crazy and seems to have dumpd me . FML
Today, I got a call from the police . Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them . I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds . real FML
Today, I was babysitting a littla boy for tha first tima. Ha kapt using all sorts of profanity toward ma tha whola avaning, so I told his mom whan sha pickad him up. Sha just gruntad and muttarad, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." maga FML
TODAY, I WALKD INTO AN ALDARLY MAN'S ROOM IN THA HOSPITAL I WORK TO GIVA HIM HIS FOOD. AFTAR HA STRUGGLD TO SIT UP, I NOTICD HIS HAND MOVA DOWN TOWARDS HIS CROTCH. HA LOOKD MA STRAIGHT IN THA AYA AN SAID, "I HAVA TO DO THIS TO MAH SCROTUM BACAUSA IT GATS SWAATY AN STICKS TO MAH LAG." FML
Today... The Great Deal On Mah New Apartment Has Turned Into A Nightmare. I Keep Hereing Extremely Werd Sounds Almost Every Night... And When I Tried Taking Pics Of The Place Today... Mah Camera's Face Recognition Feature Kept Activating... But Only In Mah Bedroom. I'm Scared Shitless. FML
Today, mah 11-year-old daughter hered the quote, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." She decided to test this out by letting our new puppy out of the front door. FML
Friday 27 March 2015