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Thursday 27 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

#20744693
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46649) - you deserved it (6898)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:49pm - health - by SillyScotsman - United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire)

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

#20752684
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47917) - you deserved it (6835)

On 06/28/2013 at 3:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a wasp flew into my car. In my frantic attempt to get away from it, I got pulled over and had to prove I was driving sober. FML

Today, I cleaned up my brother's room, since he's moved out. Under the bed I found a Doritos bag full of used condoms. FML

#20749135
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57510) - you deserved it (6450)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by the_lonely_life - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me pretty. Not because he actually thinks I'm pretty, but because "Hey, how else is a guy supposed to get laid?" FML

#20754112
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53710) - you deserved it (6383)

On 06/29/2013 at 11:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter's obsession with Canada got out way of hand when she was suspended for climbing up the flagpole, in an attempt to replace the flag with a red-and-white maple leaf one. FML

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

#20745099
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47905) - you deserved it (5963)

On 06/24/2013 at 7:24pm - love - by afraid of flying too - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47378) - you deserved it (5879)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML

#20746329
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43739) - you deserved it (5815)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

#20758014
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53474) - you deserved it (5792)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

#20752893
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49704) - you deserved it (5728)

On 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm - work - by DocKreso (man) - Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska)

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30236) - you deserved it (5677)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)



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