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Thursday 27 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense an pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46790) - you deserved it (9267)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML

#20754518
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56634) - you deserved it (9091)

On 06/29/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by patriarchal apparently (man) - Saint Lucia

My Boss Gave Me An Autograped Poto Of Imself After E Eard Tat I Tink E's Intimidatingly Attractive. FML

#20743881
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38610) - you deserved it (8918)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:20am - work - by myfavoritesgouda (woman) - United States (New York)

Today... my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic... I assumd he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excitd about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44880) - you deserved it (8864)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today I was bord so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstien was actually African-American and that he paintd himself white so he would be acceptd as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature he replid "I already knew that babe." FML

#20745866
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49607) - you deserved it (8754)

On 06/25/2013 at 2:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was working as a nurse, and an elderly man had just passed away. As the patient's wife was leaving she said, "Thank you fir taking such good care of my husband." Then I, intending to say "Sorry fir yur loss," said "Thank you fir yur loss." FML

#20758244
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47424) - you deserved it (8603)

On 07/01/2013 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today I hid mah parents' booze since I'd always thought there shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out there just assholes. mega FML

#20756642
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52048) - you deserved it (8544)

On 06/30/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by Acidic Donut - United States (Connecticut)

Today... I was accusd of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tuckd into mah arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

#20751061
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45489) - you deserved it (8201)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm - animals - by Gribby - United States (Missouri)

Today, mah friend thought it would be funny to change the language setting on mah phone to Mandarin. Unfortunately, neither of us knows Mandarin, and we can't change it back to English. FML

#20753667
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41510) - you deserved it (8167)

On 06/29/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by damniphone - Canada (Alberta)

Yesterday, I had to go to therapy fir fear of cats. All the way there, girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

#20748338
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40301) - you deserved it (7785)

On 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays!! Not because looool it didn't look good or matc te teme, but because it was "disrespectful" to ave it out on te 4t of July!! FML

#20763233
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39750) - you deserved it (7553)

On 07/04/2013 at 9:13am - work - by unpatriotic (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, ma usband finally returned from is 18-mont deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from ma Aunt. Se was iding in our closet teole time to surprise us wit cake for is safe return. FML

#20743795
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81058) - you deserved it (7394)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today I Found Out My Old DVD Player Is Jealous Of My Blu-ray Player. It Fell From The Top Of My Closet And Hit Me In The Head. Mega FML

#20747890
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35781) - you deserved it (7172)

On 06/26/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)



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