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Monday 10 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me after finding out that I reload my own shotgun shells and I shoot competitively. His reasoning? He didn't want to date a "cheap and dangerous woman." Seriously? FML

Today, while working the register, a known mentally-unstable man approached me. He ended up telling me that the Statue of Liberty is sexist and a screw-up by Washington. When I told him that the French made it, he told me to shut up and complained to my manager. He knows me by name now. FML

#20724940
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36014) - you deserved it (4377)

On 06/14/2013 at 1:57am - work - by fubuggie (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

#20718832
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37749) - you deserved it (4373)

On 06/11/2013 at 12:39am - kids - by sydneyp3435 - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

#20720952
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45340) - you deserved it (4252)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by firestar772 - United States (California)

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

#20726715
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38230) - you deserved it (4221)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by ouch - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in public, a homeless guy looked me in the eyes and started wanking. FML

#20729997
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45804) - you deserved it (4215)

On 06/16/2013 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by scarredforlife - United States (New York)

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

#20726002
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39413) - you deserved it (4197)

On 06/14/2013 at 6:12pm - kids - by I fathered a pussy. (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

#20718780
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45600) - you deserved it (4124)

On 06/11/2013 at 12:12am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

#20723435
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53492) - you deserved it (3993)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Hannah (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML

#20726995
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42385) - you deserved it (3961)

On 06/15/2013 at 4:57am - love - by bloody - United States

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

#20726743
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43757) - you deserved it (3946)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by well then... - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

#20721539
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50562) - you deserved it (3930)

On 06/12/2013 at 1:33pm - health - by unknown - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa pointed me out to one of his friends, saying, "Yeah, she's the ugly one." FML

#20717602
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45442) - you deserved it (3913)

On 06/10/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by sadgirl - United States (Arkansas)



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