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Saturday 25 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML

#20697858
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36041) - you deserved it (3958)

On 05/31/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by theybitchaboutgnomesbutnotthis?? (man) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML

#20699633
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46601) - you deserved it (3908)

On 06/01/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

#20686197
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45096) - you deserved it (3905)

On 05/25/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by uglynerd (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML

#20683274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31826) - you deserved it (3899)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:04am - animals - by seriously - United States

Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML

#20694826
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46024) - you deserved it (3883)

On 05/30/2013 at 5:41am - misc - by windshitwipers (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my piano teacher complimented my song, calling it great. I was proud and thanked him, then realized he was being sarcastic. FML

#20683283
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31340) - you deserved it (3860)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

#20695090
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45984) - you deserved it (3800)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

#20693039
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46112) - you deserved it (3793)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:39pm - misc - by no boobies - United States

Today, a friend was put on suicide watch when her parents wouldn't pay $500 for a premium senior picture package. FML

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

#20682049
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41894) - you deserved it (3785)

On 05/23/2013 at 4:11pm - misc - by eric4 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

#20689621
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42957) - you deserved it (3771)

On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, my boss made me go outside and wash people's cars for free. I work at Verizon. FML

#20677176
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38729) - you deserved it (3748)

On 05/21/2013 at 2:31am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

#20697496
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48065) - you deserved it (3728)

On 05/31/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by whyme - United States (Pennsylvania)



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