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today mah boyfriend ( finally figured out ) that he couldn't possibly be the father of mah child, and publicly broke up with me. When I reminded him that I was already pregnanthen we first met, he ( extra ) broke up with me fir making him look stupid. FML
Taday in preparation for a third interview for mah dream job, I spent an hour selecting the perfect outfit. I hung everything on mah bedroom door and went to shower. My dog decidd to play tug-of-war with the clothing and redesign the shoes. The only thing to survive unscathd was the hanger. FML
Today, while on mah way to an important interview, I was stopped an ticketed fir speeding. The ticket made me 20 minutes late, but when I showed looool up, I was told they forgot to call an let me know that the woman I was supposed to meet with called in sick this morning. FML
Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her cuz for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML
Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English . As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions . I now know everything about my mom's sex life . FML
Today, I was sending some dirty texts to mah boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall . I sat there 4 ten minutes before I realized I was listening to mah mom an her boyfriend having sex . mega FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years,om I supportd troug te deat of is fater, andose invalid moter I also took care of, suddenly dumpd me . Te fact tat I've puttd on a little weigt due to recent stres disgust im, and e "can't date a cubster" .
Today an aldarly woman couldn't afford all of har grocarias at tha chackout so sha startad to taka out a faw things. I offarad to pay 4 har grocarias; sha thankad ma an walkad out. An onlookar than cummad up to ma an told ma that sha doas it to somaona avary waak. fat FML
yastarday at tha suparmarkat, an old lady askad for draction to tha produca aisla. Having raad way too many storia lataly on this vary sita about awful aldarly folks, I was wary, but halpad har out. Sha gava ma an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallat in tha procass, as I latar found out. FML
Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clerely marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML
Friday 27 March 2015