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Saturday 25 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML

#20691094
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25563) - you deserved it (129346)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

#20691900
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29399) - you deserved it (53434)

On 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm - money - by pool party - United States (Illinois)

Today, we had a get together for work at a restaurant I've never heard of. After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers, I showed up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt. Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. FML

#20695797
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19106) - you deserved it (47830)

On 05/30/2013 at 6:32pm - work - by Lizzie - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

#20691781
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22924) - you deserved it (47509)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by Amber - United States (California)

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

#20693016
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22238) - you deserved it (46914)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:24pm - money - by sammarli530 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

#20686826
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18003) - you deserved it (45831)

On 05/26/2013 at 2:46am - work - by ChangoFett - United States (California)

Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML

#20690847
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22980) - you deserved it (43952)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18124) - you deserved it (43856)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML

#20683433
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34852) - you deserved it (41729)

On 05/24/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by obnum - United States (New York)

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

#20677562
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27193) - you deserved it (39392)

On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

#20682540
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19912) - you deserved it (35930)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML

#20681164
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27652) - you deserved it (34878)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)



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