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Saturday 18 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML

#20683433
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32247) - you deserved it (38808)

On 05/24/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by obnum - United States (New York)

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

#20677562
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26072) - you deserved it (37906)

On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

#20682540
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19407) - you deserved it (35049)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19166) - you deserved it (34416)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML

#20681164
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26288) - you deserved it (33204)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

#20672246
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40014) - you deserved it (23033)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:26am - misc - by Devin - United States

Today, I woke up to my dad emptying a water bottle on my head, because I needed to "get up for school" or I'd be late. FML

#20662590
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28675) - you deserved it (22131)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

#20660609
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40632) - you deserved it (20144)

On 05/13/2013 at 11:06am - animals - by random (man) - United States

Today, I lent a pair of expensive headphones to a "friend" for the weekend. As a thank-you, he bought me a soda. He moved this weekend, taking the headphones with him. I lost a $250 pair of headphones for a $1 soda. FML

#20672107
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38499) - you deserved it (18932)

On 05/19/2013 at 12:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

#20662901
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30640) - you deserved it (16904)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

#20684843
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34195) - you deserved it (16399)

On 05/25/2013 at 12:50am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

#20670515
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44669) - you deserved it (16357)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States



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