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Monday 13 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20470) - you deserved it (36727)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

#20672246
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43953) - you deserved it (25641)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:26am - misc - by Devin - United States

Today, I woke up to my dad emptying a water bottle on my head, because I needed to "get up for school" or I'd be late. FML

#20662590
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30422) - you deserved it (22971)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

#20660609
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42477) - you deserved it (21105)

On 05/13/2013 at 11:06am - animals - by random (man) - United States

Today, I lent a pair of expensive headphones to a "friend" for the weekend. As a thank-you, he bought me a soda. He moved this weekend, taking the headphones with him. I lost a $250 pair of headphones for a $1 soda. FML

#20672107
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40337) - you deserved it (19610)

On 05/19/2013 at 12:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

#20670515
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51446) - you deserved it (19606)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

#20662901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33979) - you deserved it (18429)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with his accountant, the same woman who comforted me when he cheated on me the year before. FML

#20675748
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51220) - you deserved it (17455)

On 05/20/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML

#20667310
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35551) - you deserved it (16136)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm - health - by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

#20669324
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41818) - you deserved it (14378)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:49pm - health - by sprainedankle - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

#20669389
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49735) - you deserved it (13527)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was dancing in the passenger seat of my car with my family when a cop pulled us over. He thought I was trying to flag him down for help. I guess I'm not as good of a dancer as I thought. FML

#20662599
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37925) - you deserved it (12089)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:32am - misc - by ktorih137 - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

#20669248
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41790) - you deserved it (11881)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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