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Monday 6 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML

#20659041
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18846) - you deserved it (68908)

On 05/12/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by forever alone - United Kingdom

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

#20650425
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24314) - you deserved it (49184)

On 05/08/2013 at 6:21pm - money - by Checkless chick - United States

Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML

#20646330
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24208) - you deserved it (48516)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by clumsy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30882) - you deserved it (39822)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

#20657087
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28421) - you deserved it (38013)

On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

#20645173
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35814) - you deserved it (35205)

On 05/06/2013 at 10:24am - love - by Alone (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

#20660609
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42476) - you deserved it (21106)

On 05/13/2013 at 11:06am - animals - by random (man) - United States

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

#20657738
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51366) - you deserved it (18265)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by peallow (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

#20649842
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40959) - you deserved it (14731)

On 05/08/2013 at 12:59pm - work - by anon_1996 - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

#20649461
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40135) - you deserved it (14522)

On 05/08/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by Sebastian20 (man) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

#20652571
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38559) - you deserved it (13722)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by drug testing - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

#20658454
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36437) - you deserved it (13145)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by walmart: first time, last time (man) - United States

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

#20650839
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42857) - you deserved it (12883)

On 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm - misc - by 19kwhatever (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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