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Wednesday 1 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51343) - you deserved it (4447)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

#20640984
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53500) - you deserved it (4445)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by immovingout (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60992) - you deserved it (4436)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, while paying a $60 tab on drinks for a girl, a guy grabs the money-clip out of my hand and runs. I start to chase after him; the girl trips me, then runs after him. The bartender calls the cops; not to catch the thieves, but to report me for not paying. FML

#20634407
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52488) - you deserved it (4425)

On 05/01/2013 at 6:30am - money - by Alexman1985 -

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

#20645244
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54838) - you deserved it (4369)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:25am - work - by perfecttiming (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML

#20647820
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47858) - you deserved it (4309)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:07pm - misc - by babs (woman) - United States

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

#20632607
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40679) - you deserved it (4299)

On 04/30/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by good husband - Canada

Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML

#20639773
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47389) - you deserved it (4295)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm - work - by annoyedgirl - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to share my room with my cousin while she stayed over. I let her take my bed while I slept on the floor. Not only do my back and neck hurt, but I had to clean vomit out of my hair. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling well" last night. FML

#20640612
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48788) - you deserved it (4226)

On 05/04/2013 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

#20634708
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53409) - you deserved it (4143)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

#20643431
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53303) - you deserved it (4020)

On 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm - kids - by Aunjy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

#20649920
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53851) - you deserved it (4017)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML



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