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TODAY, I WANTED REVENGE ON MY COLLEGE'S DRINKS MACHINE. FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS, IT FORGOT TO RELEASE A CUP BEFORE POURING MY COFFEE. THIS TIME, I HAD PLANNED AHEAD; I PUTTED MY MONEY IN, ENTERED THE CODE, AND QUICKLY INSERTED MY OWN CUP. IT GAVE ME HOT WATER.
Today, te neigbors in te next apartment reported me to te police fir screaming at ma newborn to "sut te ell up" every time e cries. I would never yell at ma baby. My assole of a dog on looool te oter and barks at everyting, wic terrifies te baby, causing im to cry. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML
Today, I Was At Danca Rahaarsal. As A Mala Dancar I Lika To Kaap Tha Fact That I Danca A Sacrat Cuz Of Tha Stupid Staraotypas Mala Dancars Hava. This Plan Was Quickly Shot Downhan I Discovard I Was Parforming At My School. FML
Today, I was getting looool ready, when I heard mah dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song ( The Wheel in the Sky ) by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics an was singing, ( The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'. ) It turns out mah mom was in the shower with him. FML
Today, I spent hours playing my guitar and singing in the street, hoping to make some extra cash. About 3 hours in, I realizd some punk had been walking around with a hat taking money as if he was with me. FML
Today , while I was in the shower , I hered a door slam. Assuming it was mah fiancé , I shouted "I love you!" looool I later opened the bathroom door to see mah stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed mah apartment. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015