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Saturday 20 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

#20600192
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53667) - you deserved it (4549)

On 04/17/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by wut... (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

#20624720
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47802) - you deserved it (4530)

On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3am, screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

#20592535
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36844) - you deserved it (4358)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:32am - misc - by do your own ironing (woman) -

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

#20601228
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43532) - you deserved it (4340)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:01am - money - by some people's parents - United States (Colorado)

Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML

#20607182
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36543) - you deserved it (4313)

On 04/20/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was leaving work when I realized I had forgotten my bag on my desk. As I went back to get it, I overheard my co-workers talking about "last night's office party." I wasn't invited. FML

#20618055
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38243) - you deserved it (4254)

On 04/24/2013 at 10:10am - work - by demispark - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

#20615252
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62556) - you deserved it (3991)

On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML

#20601546
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34785) - you deserved it (3969)

On 04/18/2013 at 3:54am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

#20612533
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61712) - you deserved it (3958)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:58am - love - by Stupid (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my 15-year-old brother got busted for selling pills at school. The officer said they were reddish pink, so we searched the house for that kind of pill. Turns out it was my dog's medicine from over 4 years ago. FML

#20620041
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41039) - you deserved it (3855)

On 04/25/2013 at 12:54am - kids - by kkt - United States (Texas)

Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

#20604478
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49263) - you deserved it (3830)

On 04/19/2013 at 7:44am - misc - by pleasekillme (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

Today my mother met my in-laws for the first time. She had been an alcoholic and had us sent to foster care 15 years ago. My husband told his parents this behind my back a while ago. When they asked her about it, she denied everything. His entire family now thinks I lie for attention. FML

#20600031
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36151) - you deserved it (3771)

On 04/17/2013 at 5:57pm - misc - by the attention seeker (woman) - United States (Florida)



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