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Saturday 20 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time, I complained that I was going to puke. I didn't, though. She did, all over me. FML

#20626478
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38581) - you deserved it (5589)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:25pm - misc - by gross. - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

#20598610
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57418) - you deserved it (5585)

On 04/17/2013 at 2:14am - love - by rawdoglyfe69 - United States (Montana)

Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML

#20605834
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47325) - you deserved it (5498)

On 04/19/2013 at 7:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

#20604416
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46615) - you deserved it (5472)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

#20621620
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39699) - you deserved it (5352)

On 04/25/2013 at 8:11pm - animals - by emma_waters23 - United States (California)

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

#20595162
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55683) - you deserved it (5264)

On 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm - kids - by Mimi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

#20602422
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43310) - you deserved it (5211)

On 04/18/2013 at 3:30pm - misc - by phonesmuggler (man) - United States

Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML

#20610052
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43603) - you deserved it (5112)

On 04/21/2013 at 12:03pm - money - by a little less poor at least (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

#20620228
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37695) - you deserved it (5104)

On 04/25/2013 at 3:55am - work - by justgivemethed - United States (California)

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3am, screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

#20592535
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40412) - you deserved it (5001)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:32am - misc - by do your own ironing (woman) -

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

#20616232
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36238) - you deserved it (4984)

On 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML

#20607182
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40529) - you deserved it (4955)

On 04/20/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

#20621115
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43892) - you deserved it (4922)

On 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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