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Saturday 20 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

#20622674
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73004) - you deserved it (10038)

On 04/26/2013 at 5:17am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

#20599573
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44628) - you deserved it (9614)

On 04/17/2013 at 3:01pm - misc - by pantydropper (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

#20604154
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47956) - you deserved it (9406)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

#20608013
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41532) - you deserved it (9393)

On 04/20/2013 at 4:22pm - money - by citylife - United States

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46760) - you deserved it (9308)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

#20615694
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70204) - you deserved it (9272)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

#20604301
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47246) - you deserved it (9144)

On 04/19/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by thanks gramps - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75086) - you deserved it (9087)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML

#20622653
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41653) - you deserved it (8899)

On 04/26/2013 at 4:36am - misc - by KingUrge (man) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML

#20597356
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46770) - you deserved it (8891)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by S. Fancyson - United States

Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a segway. He still got away. FML

#20606053
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39686) - you deserved it (8673)

On 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

#20601896
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53372) - you deserved it (8643)

On 04/18/2013 at 10:37am - love - by obnum - United States



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