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Friday 19 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49560) - you deserved it (8072)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

#20613403
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58849) - you deserved it (7876)

On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

#20616571
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55189) - you deserved it (7874)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by BestBF - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML

#20607123
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54275) - you deserved it (7697)

On 04/20/2013 at 9:43am - misc - by dentedmercedes - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

#20599149
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38855) - you deserved it (7457)

On 04/17/2013 at 11:14am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

#20597351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46801) - you deserved it (7381)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68141) - you deserved it (7229)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

#20622946
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45511) - you deserved it (7140)

On 04/26/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML

#20609608
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77483) - you deserved it (7052)

On 04/21/2013 at 6:20am - intimacy - by loving wife - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49104) - you deserved it (7021)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

#20608416
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54518) - you deserved it (7004)

On 04/20/2013 at 7:40pm - love - by Thanks Babe (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

#20615717
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47347) - you deserved it (6965)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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