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Friday 19 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

#20608013
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41457) - you deserved it (9386)

On 04/20/2013 at 4:22pm - money - by citylife - United States

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45892) - you deserved it (9190)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

#20615694
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69186) - you deserved it (9139)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

#20604301
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47162) - you deserved it (9134)

On 04/19/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by thanks gramps - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74824) - you deserved it (9070)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML

#20597356
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46650) - you deserved it (8874)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by S. Fancyson - United States

Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML

#20622653
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41231) - you deserved it (8835)

On 04/26/2013 at 4:36am - misc - by KingUrge (man) - United States (California)

Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

#20601896
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52929) - you deserved it (8596)

On 04/18/2013 at 10:37am - love - by obnum - United States

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a segway. He still got away. FML

#20606053
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39100) - you deserved it (8593)

On 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

#20599244
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49753) - you deserved it (8170)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)

Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML

#20593500
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38644) - you deserved it (8144)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by Reno - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

#20623794
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40963) - you deserved it (8066)

On 04/26/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by sanoria51 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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