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Friday 12 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

#20584991
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34589) - you deserved it (5715)

On 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by no tea parties here, gran (man) - United States

Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML

#20605834
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49544) - you deserved it (5707)

On 04/19/2013 at 7:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

#20598610
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58598) - you deserved it (5690)

On 04/17/2013 at 2:14am - love - by rawdoglyfe69 - United States (Montana)

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

#20604416
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48519) - you deserved it (5665)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

#20583902
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48208) - you deserved it (5529)

On 04/10/2013 at 6:17pm - love - by drama king? (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my school announced its senior motto for the year. For the second year in a row, it's "YOLO". FML

#20586452
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47773) - you deserved it (5464)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:21pm - misc - by it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

#20585943
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62134) - you deserved it (5440)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by too young for this (woman) - United States

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

#20595162
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57647) - you deserved it (5427)

On 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm - kids - by Mimi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

#20602422
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45269) - you deserved it (5412)

On 04/18/2013 at 3:30pm - misc - by phonesmuggler (man) - United States

Today, I didn't mind paying a little bit extra for my manicure because I forgot how nice it was to have someone hold your hand. Even if it was an old Asian lady. FML

#20581665
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32552) - you deserved it (5148)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by lonelygirl (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

#20580301
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31350) - you deserved it (5128)

On 04/08/2013 at 4:30am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3am, screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

#20592535
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41009) - you deserved it (5063)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:32am - misc - by do your own ironing (woman) -

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

#20582376
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50658) - you deserved it (4988)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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