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Friday 12 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

#20595162
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55230) - you deserved it (5220)

On 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm - kids - by Mimi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

#20602422
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43292) - you deserved it (5210)

On 04/18/2013 at 3:30pm - misc - by phonesmuggler (man) - United States

Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML

#20589493
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45176) - you deserved it (5162)

On 04/14/2013 at 3:28am - love - by MissedTheBoat (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41464) - you deserved it (5021)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, for the fifth time since my parents got divorced, my father has decided he doesn't want to pick me up for his weekend because I'm "too responsible to have fun with." FML

#20596320
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36379) - you deserved it (4976)

On 04/16/2013 at 12:17pm - misc - by ouch - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I started my new job as a mail carrier. One of my assigned roads was Milbrooke Street, which I'd never heard of. After driving around for ages trying to find it, I called for directions. The street doesn't exist in my city; it's just the boss' way of seeing how stupid you are. FML

#20584939
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32333) - you deserved it (4940)

On 04/11/2013 at 12:18pm - work - by Directionally challenged - United States

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

#20585168
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38964) - you deserved it (4924)

On 04/11/2013 at 3:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46680) - you deserved it (4824)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML

#20591828
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35125) - you deserved it (4810)

On 04/14/2013 at 10:11pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

#20586134
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38550) - you deserved it (4739)

On 04/12/2013 at 6:23am - work - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

#20580301
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28149) - you deserved it (4685)

On 04/08/2013 at 4:30am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

#20596513
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56780) - you deserved it (4659)

On 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by fucklife - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

#20600192
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54603) - you deserved it (4634)

On 04/17/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by wut... (man) - United States (Rhode Island)



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