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Friday 12 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML

#20587655
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38938) - you deserved it (22253)

On 04/13/2013 at 5:21am - misc - by really? - United States

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

#20604222
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48178) - you deserved it (21221)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:00am - intimacy - by Wallz99 (man) - Pakistan (Azad Kashmir)

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60596) - you deserved it (20242)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML

#20599168
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36971) - you deserved it (19725)

On 04/17/2013 at 11:25am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

#20583359
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40233) - you deserved it (19320)

On 04/10/2013 at 9:26am - kids - by fatmom (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

#20587303
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43599) - you deserved it (18749) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/12/2013 at 8:14pm - kids - by xx-look-at-xx - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, thinking I was alone at work, I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I turned around to find out I wasn't alone; a cute girl was staring at me, unimpressed. FML

#20582957
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26899) - you deserved it (18592)

On 04/09/2013 at 10:44pm - work - by Goldar - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

#20584796
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38272) - you deserved it (18131)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States

Today, I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library for most of the night so that my roommate and his friends would believe that I have a social life. FML

#20585552
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33951) - you deserved it (18058)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:00pm - misc - by InNeedOfFriends (woman) - United States

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68611) - you deserved it (17862)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

#20586993
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38092) - you deserved it (17314)

On 04/12/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

#20583566
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36497) - you deserved it (16926)

On 04/10/2013 at 1:41pm - work - by birdiebeth13 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that the catchy Japanese song I've been obsessed with for the past week is actually about a dildo. FML



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