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Tuesday 9 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

#20597351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49887) - you deserved it (7756)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

#20588597
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37004) - you deserved it (7559)

On 04/13/2013 at 6:53pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

#20581032
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30273) - you deserved it (7497) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/08/2013 at 5:10pm - misc - by La Guigne - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71007) - you deserved it (7474)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, I asked my grandmother to hem my prom dress for me. I'm her oldest granddaughter so I thought she'd be happy to do it. She said no. Her occupation is a seamstress. FML

#20589845
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42418) - you deserved it (7267)

On 04/14/2013 at 10:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

#20582400
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34859) - you deserved it (7041)

On 04/09/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by nice education you've got there (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML

#20583666
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51566) - you deserved it (6763)

On 04/10/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by a - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

#20595377
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59553) - you deserved it (6698)

On 04/15/2013 at 10:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

#20586109
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46021) - you deserved it (6594)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

#20593773
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72632) - you deserved it (6471)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

#20580049
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43098) - you deserved it (6427)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by badparent (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

#20585611
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46523) - you deserved it (6194)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm - love - by Juliet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

#20584991
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37051) - you deserved it (5934)

On 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by no tea parties here, gran (man) - United States



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