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Tuesday 9 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I cummed home from work to find mah son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of mah pars of pants. So far, five. FML

#20583359
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40354) - you deserved it (19374)

On 04/10/2013 at 9:26am - kids - by fatmom (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was supervising some kids, wo were playing on a bouncy castle. One of tem managd to kick me in te face during a jump, an looking for an apology, I askd, "Wat do you say?" He pausd, ten soutd, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

#20587303
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44703) - you deserved it (19006) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/12/2013 at 8:14pm - kids - by xx-look-at-xx - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

thinking I was alone at work... I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power looool Rangers. I turned around to fine out I wasn't alone; a cute grl was staring at me... unimpressed. FML

#20582957
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27573) - you deserved it (18851)

On 04/09/2013 at 10:44pm - work - by Goldar - United States

Taday I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library 4 most of the night so that mah roommate and his friend would believe that I have a social life. FML

#20585552
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34708) - you deserved it (18296)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:00pm - misc - by InNeedOfFriends (woman) - United States

Today, ma boyfriend fell asleep wile watcing TV . I tougt it would be cute to try to kiss im awake lyk tey do in te movies . He fartd . FML

#20584796
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38426) - you deserved it (18154)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States

Today, virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch penis. FML

#20596452
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68892) - you deserved it (17914)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the frst funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finishd, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank u fir coming." I instictively replid, "My pleasure." FML

#20586993
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38801) - you deserved it (17497)

On 04/12/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after mah shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror . My new scrubs turned out to be see-through . Instead of mah undies, everyone got a good look at mah cellulite-ridden ass . Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong . FML

#20583566
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36624) - you deserved it (16974)

On 04/10/2013 at 1:41pm - work - by birdiebeth13 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangementhere people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis . A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn . fat FML

#20585229
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59182) - you deserved it (16506)

On 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

yesterday I offered to pay ma boyfriend to buy me flowers . He still refused . FML

#20584487
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39692) - you deserved it (14962)

On 04/11/2013 at 12:53am - love - by flowerging (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayd the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we startd talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. real FML

#20586667
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44890) - you deserved it (14297)

On 04/12/2013 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by InDisbelief (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I uploaded a looool cute photo of mah boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML

#20587403
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48286) - you deserved it (13782)

On 04/13/2013 at 12:25am - love - by Snorlax (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

TODAY, MAH GRLFRIEND AND I WERE HAVING SEX; I KNOW THAT SOME WOMEN R GREAT MULTITASKERS, BUT I'M GUESSING IT WAS A BAD SIGNHEN SHE STARTED TO GO OVER THE SHOPPING LIST. FML

#20585940
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46795) - you deserved it (13661)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:05am - intimacy - by Fml (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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