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Tuesday 2 April 2013

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Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

by aabadaba / 04/01/2013 at 1:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

by FootFlakes / 04/09/2013 at 1:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

by moosemay / 04/02/2013 at 11:04am / Germany (Bayern) / Health

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

by flea-bitten / 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm / United States / Work

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel. One of my tasks is to clean out the pool robot. While trying to pull it up, I got pulled in. I had to hide naked in the laundry room for an hour while I put my uniform through the dryer. FML

by soakedga / 04/08/2013 at 12:56pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

by NotASize0 / 04/04/2013 at 11:12am / Denmark / Miscellaneous

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

by anonymous / 04/04/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

by tkrause / 04/01/2013 at 1:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

by Annoyed Student / 04/09/2013 at 7:09pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Work

Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML

Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML

by CrimsonAmaryllis / 04/01/2013 at 12:37pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Transportation

Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

by icanthearyou / 04/04/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 3:24am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work