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Tuesday 2 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML

#20576602
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44960) - you deserved it (7834)

On 04/05/2013 at 8:13pm - kids - by easteryegg (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML

#20570614
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45064) - you deserved it (7788)

On 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by LadySteveMartin (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

#20571304
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34963) - you deserved it (7592)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:30am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

#20569899
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32564) - you deserved it (7252)

On 04/01/2013 at 12:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

#20581032
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27837) - you deserved it (7175) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/08/2013 at 5:10pm - misc - by La Guigne - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

#20577137
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37403) - you deserved it (6807)

On 04/06/2013 at 4:51am - health - by aaaaahhhh (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

#20582400
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32212) - you deserved it (6760)

On 04/09/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by nice education you've got there (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

#20574730
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37553) - you deserved it (6650)

On 04/04/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

#20580049
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41285) - you deserved it (6226)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by badparent (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to work at a hotel. One of the guests decided to play the piano in the lobby. He's deaf. Unfortunately, I'm not. FML

#20575584
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28302) - you deserved it (6110)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:20am - work - by torturedears (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

#20569678
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42829) - you deserved it (6068)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

#20573279
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39345) - you deserved it (6066)

On 04/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by poop (man) -



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