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Monday 1 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

#20575166
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37612) - you deserved it (12020)

On 04/04/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by BrillianceSucks (woman) - Canada

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

Today, I was approached by a What Not to Wear kind of show, where you get money to buy a new wardrobe. I was so excited that I fainted. They revoked the offer, reasoning that someone who faints so easily would be too much of a liability risk. FML

#20573162
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37570) - you deserved it (10785)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by SoClose (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to get my car fixed. There was a vending machine in the waiting room, and I was hungry. The snacks were overpriced, but I still had a little money left over. I noticed a bag of Cheetos hanging loose, so I paid for them, hoping to get two bags. They both got stuck. FML

#20576079
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38770) - you deserved it (9676)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:34pm - money - by Z'ev - United States (New York)

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

#20578323
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51218) - you deserved it (9657)

On 04/06/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by ziggers10 - United States

Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

#20576546
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34294) - you deserved it (9492)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by pot, meet kettle (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

#20571565
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37883) - you deserved it (8978)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

#20579905
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38508) - you deserved it (8462)

On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML

#20576602
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48952) - you deserved it (8351)

On 04/05/2013 at 8:13pm - kids - by easteryegg (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML

#20570614
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49355) - you deserved it (8287)

On 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by LadySteveMartin (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

#20571304
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38712) - you deserved it (8108)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:30am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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